It has been said that it is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness around you.

In an era where frightening statistics are being hurled around, decrying the collapse of the moral fabric of society, lighting a candle calls for uncommon courage.  Never has this matter been more pressing than with the “collapse” of the institution of marriage.

A recent study found that the most common life-stage for divorce is right after the youngest child leaves the home.  It seems that the “empty nest syndrome” is more of a wake-up call to all - nurture your relationship and make sure you have something worthwhile left in the wake of your children leaving the home.

How can we uphold married life?  How can we work on and invest in our marriages?  How can we light a candle, a candle that will dispel the clouds of these statistics?

On the practical level these are some great ideas on how to invest in your marriage:

1.  Date night.

It does not have to be something fancy.  It does not even have to  be at night.  The main point is to schedule regular blocks of time in your diary in order to date your spouse.  This block of time is sacred.  Take a walk in the park, go out for a nice meal, or simply enjoy a nice cup of coffee together.

2.  Anniversaries and birthdays.

Do not forget these!  Anniversaries are part of your shared history together (see below) and you should capitalise on their significance.  This past July, Annabelle and I celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary!  We decided to really splash-out  and stole-away for a weekend break at a nice Hotel/Spa on the Costa del Sol in Spain.  I am including some of our pics for your curious eyes!

3.  Love is spelt: T.I.M.E.

Modern life does war against this, but simply taking the time to slow down and spend time enjoying each other’s company, is so worth it.  Time really is the currency of love.  When was the last time that you actually held each other’s hands and watched a sunset together?

4.  Create a shared history.

This really is a no-brainer, and something that is implicit in the previous points.  The greater your store of good times, challenges overcome, and treasured moments, the more your heart will be grounded in, and drawn to, the strengths of your special relationship - anchoring you both together in the face of any winds of adversity that may come your way.

One candle may not be enough, but all of our candles, burning and shinning brightly, can and will make of us a city set on a hill for all to see.  Every person CAN invest in marriage.  Every person SHOULD invest in marriage.

The darkness is real and it is there - statistics do not lie - it is time to fight back!  Spa, anyone?

photo credit: Izzard Today is my wife's birthday. I really wanted to treat Annabelle to a special day however we could not really afford going overboard with expensive gifts. I feel that I must invest in my marriage. Relationships need investment, and like all investments, the greater your investment in them the greater the dividend will be. For her birthday then I decided that I was going to surprise her with several "treats". Without further ado....... herewith follows the anthology of a pampering frugal romantic: 1. The day was started by serving-up breakfast in bed. Nothing too fancy but just preparing something for her was special in itself. This also included my making-up earlier and preparing the boys' breakfast and their lunches so that Annabelle would not have to rush and do it herself. We gave her a couple of birthday cards and sang "Happy Birthday", waking-up the baby in the process (my bad). 2. Halfway through the morning I called her to check-up on her..... and told her where she could find a secret letter that I had written to her and hidden. The letter just simply was a little "pause" to reflect on what she means to me. 3. We had originally planned to have lunch together at a fabulous but reasonably priced Moroccan restaurant that we both love, but circumstances conspired to make it impossible to eat out. No worries I had it the meal prepared to go and I went home for lunch and treated her to a nice meal. 4. I had some flowers delivered to her at home during the afternoon - my babe loves flowers. 5. When I went home (early!!!) I gave her another little surprise - I had researched all of the Billboard No. 1 best-selling songs of each year, for every year since she was born right up to last year, and had downloaded them and made a compilation of the "music of [her] life" 6. .....I think that is all that you need to know ;) The point is this: Make every effort to invest in your marriage - it is THE most important relationship that you have with another human being. I am being challenged to continue to do this, to continue to find creative ways to improve my relationship, improve my communication with her, my intimacy with her - well, I guess you get the picture. A great relationship does not just "happen" - it is made. In a society where you can rejoice simply when a marriage is surviving, I want to have a marriage that thrives, that is not just good but great - a marriage where we do not just tolerate each other, but celebrate each other.